This is one of the presents that Lauren made for Brent and me to give to the people that he works with every day. The majority are sweater monsters and hand-bound books with incredible cover creations. I like this shadow box. It reminds me of when we had a horse while living in Tampa, FL. Meg and La would ride bareback and once in a while one of them would start to slide a little bit sideways and then a little bit more and then a little bit more and then BPOOMP! land on the ground. Both were so casual about it--they just got back up and went on their way. Now Lauren and Megan and Nathan are all grown up. When people ask me what I'm doing now . . . I can tell them about classes I'm taking at the local junior college and about the plants I'm working with in my yard . . . and about my three dwarf rabbits. It doesn't feel like I have all that much to do anymore. My sister Martha talked with me on the phone this morning and she described all the things that her four boys were involved with and where they were all going this summer. I am still stuck in a vision of me holding an infant Nathan in my arms and crossing the street with Megan holding onto my jeans pocket one one side and Lauren holding onto my jeans pocket on my other side.

I can remember twenty five years ago like it was yesterday, but I have a hard time remembering if I have an appointment tomorrow. I went to see a doctor who worked with Alzheimer's patients--I was driving myself crazy with all of the doctor appointments and Church activities and school deadlines I was forgetting. He had his assistant do a battery of tests with me. He came in and asked me why I was there. He admitted to me that on one of the tests I had gotten 100% correct--something that had never happened before. I did not have Alzheimer's or any other form of dementia--I was just busy thinking about lots of stuff--stuff that didn't have to do with day-to-day commitments. So . . . I'm not going crazy. I'm just not paying attention to the world around me. Perhaps I'm just on a parallel plane with the world that everyone else around me inhabits and I just happen to be very visible in both places . . . Christmas is coming and I get to have all of my children with me for New Year's. I shall try very hard to be tuned into this world by the time that they arrive.

I keep thinking about all the things that I would like to be writing about . . . and then jotting them down on the empty pages of my day timer or on the next clean page in the spiral notebook that I have with me or on scraps of paper that I know I will remember later. And I don't. I just have to go on record before the end of this year to tell those who will read this that I am very content with who and where and what I am. I spent so much of my life preparing for . . . something . . . that I knew was coming . . . sometime . . . somehow. I have finished preparing and I am living. I am beautiful. I am beloved. I am talented. I am blessed. I have everything to offer. I have been given everything.

Tonight Brent and Nate were with me at the mall. There were hundreds of people there--a welcome contrast to the echoing walls that met us when we shopped there a month ago. Nate went to buy me a Christmas present and Brent went with him. I went on to the Hallmark place and found the Christmas gift bags and tissue paper that I needed to finish preparing Brent's office people gifts for this year. Before I had paid for my purchase, Brent was there in the store looking for me. We walked to the end of the mall where Nathan was shopping and Brent went in to see if Nate was almost done. In the mean time, I rode the escalators up and down--several times--and watched some 5 or six year old boys throwing pennies into one of the mall's many fountains. I actually stopped and began to get some change out so that I could "make a wish" along with them. I thought for a moment, and then continued walking--there was nothing that I would wish for.

Megan is in Maryland tonight and they have cancelled Church tomorrow and school--some classes in the middle of finals--for Monday. She says that there hasn't been this much snow in Maryland for years. She is home and safe, though, and has much to do to prepare for their family trip to California to visit Anton's mom, Ann, for Christmas. I called her on Thursday? Friday? to let her know that her Christmas package was in the mail. I felt so clueless when she told me that they would be gone from Monday until she returned from visiting us in mid-January. I thought that I would be getting everything there early--and she won't be able to open anything until two weeks after New Years.

The shots that they gave me in my back two weeks ago have made such a bit difference. I get up and I see things that need to be done--and then I just go and do them. No longer is my entire allotment of energy squandered on getting out of bed, getting dressed, eating more than twice a day--and getting both morning pills and evening pills into me at pretty close to the prescribed time of day. We planted plants this morning--I point out where I want Brent and Nathan to dig the holes for me. I add a little cured bunny litter and shavings and water--lots of water. This paradise . . . I just dosed offf tjinningkkk aviyt gett ubg Neoesd , Giid ujjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjZZ

So I didn't post this last night. I am ready for Church before Nathan and Brent this morning, however, and so I will finish this entry now. It is cold enough outside today that Nathan came and asked me if I had a sweater that he could wear--his suit is in the cleaners. Unfortunately, (or fortunately--depending on your view of the situation) he is 6' tall and weighs 178 pounds and I am 5'2" and weigh 127 pounds--and so, even though I do have several very-plain-could-be-worn-by-a-male-type-person, I didn't have anything to offer him. I think that the snow Maryland got Friday night and yesterday--closing just about everything, including Sunday this morning--might have finally pushed out the 80-90 degree weather we've experienced lately down into cooler temps that at least begin to put a United States/Scandinavian Christmas tradition into the hearts of all us Floridians.

Yesterday was wonderful. We planted stuff in the gardens around our home and then went to see AVITAR--an incredible experience (even though we saw it in 2-D rather than 3-D) that still fills my memory and floats just at the edge of my vision. After that--mall and then gas in the car and then shopping at Publix for stuff. Then we came home and I played with my rabbits while Brent and Nathan unloaded the groceries. It was a glorious day. If yesterday were my last day on Earth, that is the day that I would have chosen.

Today is going to be another day like yesterday. I am almost breathless in anticipation as I try to imagine what will be in it.