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| Me, Martha and Nathan . . . about as character-built as we will ever get. Summer 2013, Utah. |
This is from a Facebook post to Sam Graves, Susan's son.
Sam,
A few months ago you wrote a long note to me about hurting. Susan told you that I had bulging discs and arthritis in my back as well as 2 bulging discs in my neck. Landing without the horse while jumping had offered me the chance to have doctors re-construct my right shoulder 3 times in the last 5 years. I have lost the bone and the base of both thumbs to surgery and had knee surgery last year. I do still hurt if I am not careful.
We painted the house last weekend and I pulled my right shoulder out of place while trying to tape off some ceiling edges on the porch--so now I do not use my right arm for a while and hope that I only stretched the ligaments rather than tearing them.
I am in remarkably little pain--enough so that most days I do not calendar my activities depending upon how much I hurt in what joints. All the credit for that goes to my pilates instructor, Bonnie.
She has worked with me for an hour, one-on-one, three mornings every week at 7am. She listens to what is hurting and what makes it hurt . . . and then works around those places to strengthen the muscles that are available to move.
She knows how to build slowly and is patient with me when I am not moving so good.
I am so sorry that you hurt. I know that I have spent years locked away from, literally, everyone and everything because I was hurting physically or mentally. Narcolepsy stole years--I slept for 22 hours a day. Depression and mania stole even more--I curled into myself and didn't know anything but cold, silent, paralyzing black.
Grandpa Wagstaff used to tell your mom and me (and Aunt Martha, Uncle Rob and Nate) that doing things like mowing the lawn and doing the dishes would build character. I tried the same line on my children and they all regularly assured me that they were happy with the character they already had.
I don't think that pain is a growing kind of challenge. It just is. I do know, though, that there are people around you right now who have the experience, training and skill to help you build your body back up if you are willing to ferret them out (they are often hard to find because they are not in the places that you usually look) and work SLOWLY to just (at first) keep from getting worse and then, to get stronger so that, finally, your body can hold itself strong to keep it from letting the pain receptors rule your reactions and your life.
This is sounding more and more like a testimony. I guess it kind of is.
I love your mom. She is an amazing woman with a giving, unconquerable heart. Do good by her.
Not many people have ever asked for my advice on something I actually know much about. School, I am OK with, unless it's history dates. Planting and propagating and pruning plants--I have lots to tell about those things now. How to raise children? Mine are grow up . . . and so, of course, I know all about that . . .
Lauren gets married in two weeks. I have no idea whatsoever about how to get a wedding planned and prepared without going crazy.
I am also, however, a certified professional when it comes to being crazy.
